Kategorie: something completely different

Tell funnier jokes…

Viel zu wenig gewürdigt und großartig auch beim fünfzehnten Sehen: Stardust Memories von Woody Allen.

Filmemacher Sandy Bates will keine komischen Filme mehr drehen. Sein jüngstes Werk ist so schwermütig, dass die Produzenten drohen, dieses umzuschneiden und das Ende nachzudrehen. Sandy fährt frustriert in das Hotel „Stardust Memories“, wo man ihm eine Retrospektive widmet. Während er von Fans belauert wird, vermischen sich für Sandy Vergangenheit, Gegenwart und Fiktion, so trifft er zum Besipiel einige Außerirdische:

Sandy: Why is there so much human suffering?

Aliens: This is unanswerable.

Sandy: Is there a God?

Aliens: These are the wrong questions!

Sandy: Look, here’s my point. If nothing lasts, why am I bothering to make films or do anything for that matter?

Aliens: We enjoy your films! Particularly the early, funny ones.

Sandy: But the human condition is so discouraging!

Aliens: There are some nice moments, too.

(There is some discussion of Sandy’s love life, at which point Sandy says, „Hey, what are you, my rabbi?“ And the aliens say „Hey, look. I am a superintelligent being. By Earth standards I have an IQ of 1600. And I can’t even understand what you expected from that relationship with Dorrie!“)

Sandy: Shouldn’t I stop making movies and do something that counts, like, like helping blind people or becoming a missionary or something?

Aliens: Let me tell you: You’re not the missionary type. You’d never last. And, incidentally, you’re not Superman. You’re a comedian. You want to do mankind a real service? Tell funnier jokes!

Wunderbar auch die Szene, in der Sandy die perfekte Frau schafft:

„But you know, I’ve never been able to fall in love. I’ve never been able to find the perfect woman. There’s always something wrong. And then I met Doris. A wonderful woman. Great personality. But for some reason, I’m just not turned on sexually by her. Don’t ask me why. And then I met Rita. An animal. Nasty, mean, trouble. And I love going to bed with her. Though afterward I always wished that I was back with Doris. And then, I thought to myself, if only I could put Doris’s brain in Rita’s body. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? And I though, Why not? What the hell, I’m a surgeon. . . So, I performed the operation and everything went perfectly. I switched their personalities and I took all the badness and put it over there. And I made Rita into a warm, wonderful, charming, sexy, sweet, giving, mature woman. And then I fell in love with Doris.“

Late Night Pope Jokes

“We have a new Pope. The Vatican has chosen the first ever Argentinean Pope. So once again, a bunch of old white guys got a Hispanic to do a job they didn’t want to do.“
Conan O’Brien

“The new Pope has chosen the name Pope Francis. A little advice for the Vatican: If you really want to make a strong stand against homosexuality, don’t go with a girl’s name.”
Conan O’Brien

“Thousands and thousands of people at Vatican Square were looking at the chimney. And the white smoke means we have a white Pope.“
David Letterman

“People all over the world celebrated differently. In Rome they prayed. In Dublin, they sang. In New York, they chugged super-sized Mountain Dews.”
Jay Leno

“The last Pope, Pope Benedict, will now be known as Pope Classic.”
Craig Ferguson

“Today was the first day that cardinals started voting for the new Pope. Everyone has already voted except the cardinal from Florida, who’s still trying to figure out how the ballots work.”
Jimmy Fallon

“The cardinals at the Vatican will release black smoke if they don’t reach a decision and white smoke if they do. And blue smoke means they’re working on the Vatican Oldsmobile.”
Conan O’Brien

“The cardinals are in seclusion until they choose a new Pope, and they don’t have access to the Internet. This is to keep them from being exposed to any press rumors and any „Walking Dead“ spoilers.”
Conan O’Brien

this weeks late night jokes

„It’s being reported that Mitt Romney’s goal for tonight’s debate is to make Barack Obama look like Jimmy Carter. Meanwhile, Barack Obama’s goal is to make Mitt Romney look like Mitt Romney.“
Conan O’Brien

„Today was not only the first presidential debate, it was also President Obama’s 20th wedding anniversary. I think the president got a little confused. At one point, he told Michelle that she was out of touch with the middle class and Romney that he looks as beautiful as the day they first met.“
Conan O’Brien

„For tomorrow’s debate, President Obama’s advisers have been working with him to keep his responses short. In fact, the only words the president plans on saying are ‚bin Laden‘ and ‚dead.‘ That’s it.“
Conan O’Brien

„Al Gore is going to be covering the debate for his network, Current TV. Al Gore on Current TV, talking about Mitt Romney. That is like the perfect storm of boring.“
Jay Leno

„A new survey found that over 35 percent of Americans actually plan on voting before Election Day. Not for president of the United States, just for ‚Dancing With the Stars.'“
Jimmy Fallon

„Mitt Romney is doing what he can. He’s trying very hard. He wants to unite America, the rich with the wealthy, the poor with the indigent, and the white with the Caucasian.“
David Letterman

Großes Kino – Dialoge XXXX

FAZ: Wollen Sie damit etwa andeuten, dass Sie gar kein Intellektueller sind?

Woody Allen: Ganz genau. Lachen Sie nicht. Wegen meiner Brille kann ich zwar recht überzeugend einen Intellektuellen darstellen, aber man sollte nicht den Fehler machen, mich mit meinen Filmfiguren zu verwechseln. Im wirklichen Leben bin ich alles andere als ein grüblerischer Bücherwurm. Mein erstes Buch habe ich mit achtzehn Jahren gelesen. Ich habe mich überhaupt nur mit ernsthafter Literatur befasst, weil ich merkte, dass das bei vielen Frauen gut ankam. Ich schließe mich nicht abends mit dem Werk eines dänischen Philosophen im Zimmer ein, um mit dem Bleistift kluge Anmerkungen an den Rand zu kritzeln. Stattdessen sitze ich mit einem kühlen Bier vor dem Fernseher und sehe mir die Basketball-Playoffs an. Ich bin ein großer Sportfan.


FAZ: Konnten Sie mit Ihrem Humor nicht automatisch bei den Frauen punkten?

Woody Allen: Wenn Frauen gefragt werden, was sie an einem Mann besonders attraktiv finden, antworten sie oft: „einen Sinn für Humor“. Es verblüfft mich immer wieder, dass die Damen offenbar so ticken – und es freut mich natürlich sehr, denn sonst hätte ich wohl kaum Chancen gehabt, bei ihnen zu landen. Im Übrigen habe ich die Erfahrung gemacht, dass Humor auf dem Weg zu sexuellen Aktivitäten zwar durchaus förderlich sein kann, aber während des Beischlafs eher kontraproduktiv ist.

Woody Allen im F.A.Z.-Gespräch

Seite:  ... Nächste