Last Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes

„You’ve got to give Bush credit. I mean, the guy moved pretty quickly. Too bad he didn’t react that way with bin Laden or Katrina, bin Laden or the mortgage crisis, bin Laden or Afghanistan, bin Laden or the Lehman Brothers.“
David Letterman, on the shoe attack on Bush

„The shoe-throwing incident has made Sarah Palin want to be president even more. Free shoes! You betcha!“
Craig Ferguson

„The man who threw his shoes at President Bush is being hailed as a hero in Iraq. In fact, when he dies, he’ll be greeted in heaven by 72 podiatrists.“
Conan O’Brien

„It’s been reported that former President Clinton may have to testify at Hillary Clinton’s confirmation hearing. That’s right. Clinton says, ‚This time, when I say ‚I did not have sexual relations with that woman,‘ it’ll be true.“
Conan O’Brien

„Well, the latest talk is that Caroline Kennedy wants to be appointed to Hillary Clinton’s Senate seat. She wants Hillary Clinton’s Senate seat. In fact, today, Caroline Kennedy got a call from Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich saying, ‚How much you willing to pay for it?'“
Jay Leno

„And speaking on ABC’s Sunday morning show, ‚This Week,‘ John McCain said that Sarah Palin could not necessarily count on his support if she runs for president in 2012. McCain said ‚we have some other great, young governors out there.‘ Yeah, too bad he didn’t pick one of them to run with.“
Jay Leno

„This week, Dick Cheney was interviewed by ABC News, and he said that he will miss being vice president. Then he said, ‚And I’ll really miss being president.‘ That was the best part.“
Conan O’Brien

„Bernard Madoff, the man called the most hated man in New York, has been arrested for running a Ponzi scheme that defrauded investors out of $50 billion. But the good news, today he was named AIG’s man of the year.“
Jay Leno

„Yesterday, at a press conference in Baghdad, an angry Iraqi threw his shoes at President Bush’s head. Yeah, when he saw the shoes, President Bush said, ‚See, I knew you guys had weapons of mass destruction.“
Conan O’Brien

„I don’t think Bush really has dodged anything like that, well, since the Vietnam War.“
David Letterman

„By the way, this is the country we thought had nuclear weapons. It turns out they have a pair of size 9 Hush Puppies instead.“
Jimmy Kimmel

„Well, here’s my favorite part. Cable news just over-thinks this. On CNN, they brought in an expert on Iraqi culture. And he said, ‚Let me clarify what happened here.‘ He said, ‚In the Arab world, throwing your shoes at someone’s head is considered an insult.‘ Oh, really? As opposed to here in America, where it’s a huge compliment.“
Jay Leno

„Today, President Bush told reporters that the shoe-throwing incident was one of the weirdest moments of his presidency. Yeah, Bush said the only thing weirder was the time he got re-elected.“
Conan O’Brien