The Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes

„According to the Financial Times, Barack Obama is moving towards Swedish models of banking. A president moving towards Swedish models? That hasn’t happened since the Clinton Administration.“

Craig Ferguson

„A new poll of historians just came out. And the poll has named former President George W. Bush one of the ten worst presidents of all time. But on the bright side, Bush was selected second best president named George Bush.“

Conan O’Brien

„Good news and bad news for Sarah Palin. The bad news is that the IRS says she owes thousands of dollars in back taxes. The good news is that she now qualifies to be in Obama’s Cabinet.“

Craig Ferguson

„A lot of individual states are having budget problems right now. California in particular is a mess. Governor Schwarzenegger can’t get fellow Republicans to vote for his compromise plan because it includes a big tax increase. And he’s already done everything he can possibly do to convince them. He told them he’ll ‚be back,‘ he said, ‚Hasta la vista, baby.‘ He even threatened to terminate them, several times, to no avail.“

Jimmy Kimmel

„As part of a plan to close his state’s budget deficit, New York Governor David Paterson is proposing a tax on Internet pornography. You see, this is why we can’t have blind governors. I mean, no offense, but of course he’s going to tax pornography. If he can’t enjoy it, nobody can. What’s next, a tax on rainbows?“

Jimmy Kimmel

„And there are a lot of new taxes coming. California state legislators want to solve our state’s giant deficit by taxing marijuana. Meanwhile, Oregon wants to increase a tax on beer, while New York wants to tax Internet porn. You know what this means? By the end of spring break, this whole thing could be paid for.“

Jay Leno

„You remember Hillary Clinton? She has been married to Bubba for quite a while. Well, she is now the secretary of state, and she is on her first big round the world tour. She is on her big Asian tour. She wants to normalize relations with North Korea. No word yet about normalizing relations with Bill.“

David Letterman

„A new study says that the bad economy can lower testosterone levels in men. Scientists say at this rate, by the end of the decade, Ann Coulter could be a woman!“

Craig Ferguson

„I saw an article last week that said, ‚Is Obama’s Presidency already a failure?‘ … I think everybody should just calm down. Give Obama four years. See what he can do. Then if he’s a miserable failure, we’ll do what we did with George W. Bush and elect him to a second term.“

Craig Ferguson