The Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes

„A new report just came out that says President Obama has mentioned Jesus Christ in more speeches than President Bush did. Can you believe that? Still, neither has used the phrase ‚Oh God, oh God,‘ more than President Clinton.“
Conan O’Brien

„President Obama is proposing a new national healthcare plan that’s both inexpensive and accessible. He’s calling it Have Your Surgery In Mexico.“
Jimmy Fallon

President Obama says he wants to create a national healthcare plan that’s both affordable and easy to use. In response, the insurance industry says they’ll fight the plan with congressmen who are both affordable and easy to use.“
Conan O’Brien

„He’s been acting up a lot lately, Kim Jong-Il. Yesterday he sentenced two American journalists to a labor camp. And a couple of weeks ago, he tested another nuclear weapon. I think he thinks he’s a Bond villain. The next thing you know, he’ll be living in a hollowed-out volcano with an army of robot skeletons and he’ll be stroking a large cat.“
Craig Ferguson

„Al Gore is back in the news today because President Obama is saying he might send him to North Korea to negotiate with Kim Jong-Il. I’m thinking if you’re going to send a vice president to negotiate with a madman, why don’t you send Joe Biden? At least Biden speaks the language of crazy. He understands the ways of the bonkers.“
Craig Ferguson

„In a new interview, Hillary Clinton said she originally turned down the job as secretary of state. Yup. After hearing about it, Bill Clinton said, ‚Yeah, that’s not the only kind of job she’s turned down.'“
Conan O’Brien

„Did you see Obama’s speech? It went well with Muslims around the world…Republican Sen. Inhofe, he’s a douche bag, he said it was un-American. These guys are just jealous that when this President goes to Middle East, nobody throws a shoe at him…Un-American? It was intelligent; it was broad-minded; it was nuanced. Oh he’s right. It is un-American.“
Bill Maher