This Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes

„It’s not that the Democrats are playing checkers and the Republicans are playing chess. It’s that the Republicans are playing chess and the Democrats are in the nurse’s office because once again they glued their balls to their thighs.“
Jon Stewart

„Today marks the official beginning of President Obama’s second year in office. He has three years left, but NBC offered him $45 million to leave altogether.“
Jimmy Fallon

„I am Conan O’Brien, and I am just three days away from the biggest drinking binge in history.“
Conan O’Brien

„You know, it’s hard to believe President Obama has now been in office for a year. Isn’t that amazing? It’s a year. And you know, it’s incredible. He took something that was in terrible, terrible shape, and he brought it back from the brink of disaster: The Republican party.“
Jay Leno

„I should have known something was up when NBC sent me that 2010 calendar that only went up to January.“
Conan O’Brien

„Listen to this: In 2009, the FBI reported a 20 percent decrease in the number of people robbing banks. There was, however, a huge increase in the number of banks robbing people.“
Jimmy Fallon