This Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes

How is it that the Olympics can hand out 250 medals in a few weeks? It takes ‚American Idol‘ 58 weeks to pick one karaoke singer.“
Jimmy Kimmel

„The Olympic Games were fun, but there were some high-profile mistakes, come on. Admit it. Like the terrible decision to let Toyota design the luge.“
Bill Maher

„Balloons dropped because Dick Cheney had his millionth heart attack. And who came by yesterday to cheer him up? The ‚Angel of Duh‘ himself, George Bush. They sat together, and Bush said he had spent the last year working on his book. I swear. Hard to believe Bush has a book. But if you buy Cheney has a heart…“
Bill Maher

„Former Vice President Dick Cheney was released from the hospital today after being treated for a mild heart attack, his fifth heart attack. Next one’s free.“
Jimmy Kimmel

„Dick Cheney loves snowboarding. He thinks it’s waterboarding, but colder.“
David Letterman

„Credit card companies make most of their profits from loaning money to people who they know can’t pay it back. That’s why credit card companies are evil. They’re like a cross between Satan and divorce lawyers.“
Craig Ferguson

„Being politicians you know, they all got to sharing their personal stories. Obama talked about his mother’s battle with cancer. And Harry Reid talked about a kid with a cleft palate. And John McCain told how he once carried a brain dead woman through an entire campaign.“
Bill Maher