The Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes

„I tell you, though. People still have faith in Toyota, even with these massive recalls. The Toyota Prius has retained its title as Consumer Reports‘ top pick for eco-friendly vehicle. They said it’s a great way to get in touch with the environment, especially when it flies out of control and hits the trees.“
Jay Leno

„Weren’t the Winter Olympics fantastic? The U.S. won a gold medal in downhill economy.“
David Letterman

„And over the weekend, President Bush said that he is writing a book about how he made decisions while he was president. We have an advanced copy of it here. It’s called ‚What Would Dick Cheney Do?'“
Jay Leno

„Representative Charles Rangel, the chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee, has temporarily surrendered his post pending an ethics investigation. They’ve been investigating him for three months now. And so far, they have not found a single trace of ethics.“
Jay Leno

„New York Gov. David Paterson may be stepping down after being involved in a scandal. Something like this hasn’t happened in New York for … months. New Yorkers are desperate. They’re trying to get Gov. Paterson to leave early, and I said to myself, ‚That sounds like a job for Jay Leno.'“
David Letterman

„People magazine has confirmed that former President Clinton called Tiger Woods to offer his support during the ordeal. For real. They have things in common, I guess.“
Jimmy Kimmel

„It’s a nice thing to do, a nice gesture between two, you know, kindred spirits. It actually reminds me of the time President Bush called Homer Simpson after Homer stapled his face to a doughnut.“
Jimmy Kimmel