The Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes

„There’s speculation that the 1,000-point drop in the Dow may have been sparked by a typo, where someone entered ‚billion‘ instead of ‚million‘ on a trading order. Economists are saying a single letter hasn’t caused this many problems since the letter ‚Dubya.'“
Jimmy Fallon

„This oil spill in the Gulf is affecting everybody. In fact, when I went to lunch this weekend and ordered the sea bass, they asked if I wanted it regular or unleaded.“
David Letterman

„British Petroleum said today that if this spill gets worse, they may soon have to start drilling for water.“
Jay Leno

„Dick Cheney’s pals at Halliburton … say they’re going to do the underwater cement job to plug the hole. I thought, wait a minute, this is a mistake. Underwater cement? You call the mafia. Am I right?“
David Letterman

„The Obama administration has revealed the size of America’s nuclear arsenal. The U.S. has 5,113 warheads. Approximately 1,000 of them are aimed at China, another 1,000 aimed at Russia, and the rest, of course, aimed at Fox News.“
Jay Leno

„The government announced today they’re making big changes to the do-not-fly list. Apparently, asking terrorists to be on the honor system has not been working.“
Jay Leno

„The stock market took a huge dive on Thursday. It was so bad, Goldman Sachs had to lay off three congressmen.“
Jay Leno

„The birth control pill turned 50 today. And ‚But I thought you were on the pill‘ turned 49 and a half.“
Jimmy Kimmel