The Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes

„Well, President Obama said today he’s going to use the gulf disaster to immediately push a new energy bill through Congress. I got an idea. How about first using the gulf disaster to fix the gulf disaster?“
Jay Leno

„This spill makes the Exxon Valdez look like a leaky juice box.“
Craig Ferguson

„I wonder how Obama began that meeting (with the CEO of BP Tony Hayward). ‚Thanks for wrecking my presidency, Tony. Want a water or something?'“
Craig Ferguson

„Hayward didn’t take any questions after his White House meeting today. Probably a good thing. He’s great at destroying ecosystems, but not so great at talking. Hayward has said: ‚No one wants this thing over more than I do. I’d like my life back.‘ Tony, I’m so sorry you had your summer disrupted. I’d buy you a drink, but you’d probably spill that, too. And make me clean it up.“
Craig Ferguson

„There is good news! BP today finally managed to almost completely stop the flow of information.“
Bill Maher

„It’s a great day for the world, as the World Cup begins. On behalf of all Americans, I’d like to say, ‚Eh.'“
Craig Ferguson

„In the U.S., soccer’s popularity ranges somewhere between Jon Gosselin and people that give out raisins on Halloween.“
Craig Ferguson