Christine O’Donnell’s Anti-Masturbation Campaign

Christine O‘Donnell hat gerade die Vorwahlen der Republikaner zum Kongress in Delaware gewonnen. Vor 15 Jahren hat die „christliche Aktivistin“ schon klar gemacht: Masturbation ist Fremdgehen, wir müssen uns dringend die Reinheit unserer Herzen erhalten. „If he already knows how to please himself, where in the picture am I?“

Großartiges Video:

Jimmy Kimmel and his own pro-masturbation crusade:

„I’m not a political person. I keep to myself. I’m not one to get involved in these things. I’m not proud to say I’ll stand by as our leaders drag us into wars based on false pretenses. I’ll stand by while our oceans are polluted by greedy corporations who only care about money. I’ll stand by while our military blatantly discriminates against our own armed forced based on their sexual preferences. But I’ll tell you something. When our right to masturbate is threatened, that’s where I draw the line. What goes on between me in my own bedroom, and car sometimes, is my business, not the government’s.“

„So listen up, Christine O’Donnell — and Rosie O’Donnell too while we’re at it — we need to send a message to Washington, people. This November, I want everyone who believes in basic human rights to touch themselves in the voting booth. I want to say this to Christine O’Donnell. I want you and your followers to know one thing: you’ll take away this penis when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands.“

Jimmy Kimmel: „I have a feeling Christine O’Donnell opposes masturbation the same way Bristol Palin opposes pre-marital sex.“

Und die anderen:

Jay Leno: „Interesting woman, very conservative. She has come out against masturbation. So not only is she against politicians putting their hands in our pockets, she’s against you putting your hands in your own pockets as well.“

Jay Leno: „She is against masturbation. Frankly, I don’t think it’s any of her business what I do in the privacy of that voting booth. This is America. Once you close that little curtain, you should be able to pull any lever you want.“

Jon Stewart on Christine O’Donnell and Masturbation Jon Stewart (after showing a clip of O’Donnell saying, „You’re gonna be pleasing each other and if he already knows what pleases him and he can please himself, then why am I in the picture?“): „You’re in the picture, my dear, because as Oscar Wilde once said, ‚I can’t reach it with my mouth.'“

Stephen Colbert (after showing a clip of O’Donnell saying, „The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery, so you can’t masturbate without lust.“): „Thank you madam. Masturbation is adultery. I know this is horrible news for my home audience, many of whom are committing adultery as we speak.“

Craig Ferguson: „She’s also against masturbation. I’m afraid you lost me now, lady. If she wants to win this November, she may have to change that position.“