The Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes

„The Republicans now control the House, and they say they’re going to follow a strict interpretation of the original Constitution. So I hope you women and non-whites don’t like voting.“
Jimmy Kimmel

„Thousands of birds fell dead in Arkansas. It’s either al-Qaida, or Dick Cheney is hunting again.“
David Letterman

„The new Republican-controlled House of Representative decided to start things off by reading the entire Constitution aloud. Then there was a break for lunch and a slave auction.“
Jimmy Kimmel

„Now that the Republicans have taken over the House, they’re going to undo everything President Obama has done. John Boehner even told the Obama kids that the dog has to go back.“
David Letterman

„This weekend in Arkansas, thousands of dead birds dropped out of the sky and there were 100,000 dead fish in the rivers. Also, McDonald’s is having a special on Chicken McNuggets and Filet of Fish.“
Jay Leno

„You know why I think the birds fell out of the sky? Tweeting.“
Jay Leno