This Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes

„On Thursday Hosni Mubarak said he would not leave Egypt until he was dead. On Friday the crowd said, ‚Deal!‘ So he fled.“
Jay Leno

„President Obama unveiled his new budget, including $1 trillion in spending cuts, which Obama called the most painful choice he’s ever made. Then he looked over at Joe Biden and said, ‚OK, second most painful choice.'“
Craig Ferguson

„The New York Times says new cars will no longer be equipped with cassette players. Come on, it’s 2011. People still read newspapers?“
Jimmy Fallon

„Dick Cheney presented Donald Rumsfeld with a Defender of the Constitution Award. And, yes, the irony was lost on both of them.“
Seth Meyers

„President Obama was in San Francisco today, meeting with a group of technology executives, including Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg. Their goal is to figure out how to create new jobs, to replace jobs that have been lost as a result of everyone spending all their time at work on Facebook.“
Jimmy Kimmel

„Facebook is looking into buying Twitter for around $10 billion. If all goes as planned, the company hopes to combine the two companies, creating the biggest waste of time the world has ever seen.“
Jay Leno