Passed Late-Night Jokes

„China has told us our days of squandering borrowed money are over. So maybe we shouldn’t tell them we just spent $76 million going to the Smurf movie.“
Conan O’Brien

„Man, America’s credit rating took a real hit this weekend. On Friday night, the U.S. actually lost its AAA status. Or as Joe Biden put it, ‚What happens if I get a flat tire?'“
Jimmy Fallon

„By the way, the ratings agency is Standard & Poor’s. Who’s going to listen to a company whose name translates to Average & Below Average?“
Jon Stewart

„S&P downgraded the United States from AAA to AA+, and it gets worse. Today, Italy, England, and Greece un-friended us on Facebook.“
Jay Leno

„America gets a double A plus? The only other countries with that rating are Belgium and New Zealand. That’s us now. Waffle-eating kiwis, putting mayonnaise on our French fries with a serious Hobbit infestation.“
Stephen Colbert

„President Obama took campaign workers out for burgers yesterday and left a 35 percent tip. Man, that guy is so generous with China’s money.“
Jimmy Fallon

„We finally get a black President, and our credit goes bad. If Obama’s going to be stereotyped as black he should own it. And by ‚own it‘ I mean rent it.“
Daily Show „senior black correspondent“Larry Wilmore

„Congress has the lowest approval rating ever. 82 percent of the American people say Congress sucks. But to be fair, these are the same idiots who voted these people in, so they can go suck it as far as I’m concerned.“
Bill Maher

„‚Rise of the Planet of the Apes‘ made $54 million this weekend. It’s about small-brained creatures who rise up and take over the Earth. First they form political groups called Tea Parties.“
Jay Leno