this weeks late night jokes

“Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver were seen shopping together. Apparently she said she wanted something Swedish made and Arnold was like, ‘Swedish maid?’”
Craig Ferguson

“Republican Senator Orrin Hatch accused President Obama of pandering to the hipster wing of the Democratic Party. It’s pretty shocking — not that he said that, just that Orrin Hatch knows what a hipster is.”
Jimmy Fallon

“Japanese researchers have invented a speech-jamming gun that can silence people from 30 meters away. You fire this at them, and they can stop talking. It makes people speechless. We should try this on Rush Limbaugh.”
Jay Leno

“Rush Limbaugh: four wives he’s had – no children. Dude, you are birth control.”
Bill Maher

„It’s like the Super Bowl of politics — if the Super Bowl was one team slowly destroying itself.“
Stephen Colbert on Super Tuesday

“Today is the multi-state primary known as ‘Super Tuesday.’ It’s going to be followed tomorrow by ‘Now we’re really stuck with Romney Wednesday.’”
Conan O’Brien

„In several Super Tuesday states, a third of the voters still believe that President Obama was born in a foreign country. Yeah. These are the same people who think that Super Tuesday is Superman’s birthday.“
Conan O’Brien