Schlagwort: Humor

This Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes

„This week, Barack Obama, true story, campaigned on an Indian reservation and the tribal chief adopted him. Yeah, the Indians actually prefer Obama to John McCain, because they still remember when McCain took their land.“
Conan O’Brien

„Barack Obama got a big endorsement this week. Senator Robert Byrd of West Virginia, who, believe it or not, is a former exulted cyclops of the KKK, no kidding around, said he will cast his superdelegate vote for Barack Obama. Not a great time for Hillary Clinton when even former Klan members are supporting Barack Obama.“
Jimmy Kimmel

„An estimated 75,000 people attended a Barack Obama rally on the banks of the Willamette River. … And if you believe the media, listen to this. After the rally, Barack Obama fed them all with just five loaves of bread and two fish. Amazing!“
Jay Leno

„While campaigning in Kentucky, Hillary Clinton stopped at a drugstore and bought a pair of reading glasses. It’s true. Yeah, then she picked up a newspaper and said, ‚Holy crap, I got to drop out of this race.'“
Conan O’Brien

„President Bush said in an interview that he gave up golf in 2003 in support of the troops, because he thought playing golf during a war just sends the wrong message. You know what else sends the wrong message? Literally sending the wrong message [on screen: photo of Bush standing in front of the ‚Mission Accomplished‘ banner]“
Amy Poehler

„Barack Obama also going after John McCain. In a speech today, Barack Obama accused John McCain of trying to bankrupt social security. That’s what he said, yeah. Yeah, not by voting against it, just by collecting it for 80 years.“
Conan O’Brien

„But don’t discount Hillary Clinton, because she’s nothing if not shrewd. … Don’t ever forget that. Hillary has a back-up plan. First, nothing but superdelegates. Remember when we heard all about the superdelegates? … Well, now she has another back-up plan to get to the White House. She’s going to marry John McCain.“
David Letterman

„Barack Obama visited an Indian reservation. And I don’t know if you heard about this, the chief adopted him and gave him the name ‚Black Eagle.‘ That’s true, yeah. The chief also gave Hillary Clinton the name ‚Runs Even After Losing.‘ Good name.“
Conan O’Brien

„Hillary Clinton still campaigning hard. In a speech this weekend that she just gave, Hillary Clinton said that John McCain ‚couldn’t be more out of touch.‘ Yeah, then Hillary said, ‚Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m about to win the Democratic nomination.'“
Conan O’Brien

„McCain of course has the nomination sewed up. He’s now auditioning candidates for vice president, and they’re visiting at his home in Arizona. I believe it’s called Casa Viagra. I believe it’s called the Lazy Artery. I believe it’s a ranch, I think it’s the Double Hernia. No no, his home in Arizona — the Rancho Prostato.“
David Letterman

„The Supreme Court overturned the state’s ban on gay marriage. Man, you thought it was bad for single women before. All the good ones are either gay or married. Now they’re gay and married.“
Jay Leno

via politicalhumor